Veeg-Log Day 7

Yesterday’s weight: 281.5

Today’s weight: 281.1

Entry One – 11:06pm

Oh wow, it looks like I have a lot of catching up to do! So gather ‘round - sit and listen [read] as I tell you a tale. A fantastic tale of love and heartache; of heroes and villains; of dedication and disappointment.  Read on to see how I was hoodwinked  by the Irish, and how pigs really do fly. Now come with me, friends, and let me take you on a word-journey all the way back… to Friday.

Friday began quite swimmingly. The weather was perfect and everybody (customers and employees alike) was in a good mood. I was back in my kitchen, having just returned from my daily am food delivery to our other store, and I’m feeling quite productive as it’s only 9:30am. After a quick breakfast of a ProBar, an apple, and a cup of coffee, it’s back to work. Alas, it’s slicing day! (I slice all the meat and cheese that I use at the store, so every couple of days I have to set up shop and pray to all things holy that I don’t accidently lose a digit or two to the undersized, busted-ass, worn out death trap I use as a deli slicer.) But nothing can get me down on a day like this! Not even a fate-tempting bout with a homicidal kitchen gadget! I assemble the finger eater and flip it on, only to be assaulted by a horrible ear piercing grinding-grating sound!! Silly me… I forgot to masking tape the guide in place! All taped up, I’m ready to commence the cutting! First up: cheeses. Cheddar, provolone, pepper-jack: all sliced, stacked and wrapped without incident. That was easy! A little too easy, perhaps….. time for meat. Now, this is the hardest time to stay vegan at work. With all that fresh meat coming right off the slicer.. nom nom nom. But no! Not anymore, not for me! As I unwrap the ham and set to slicing it, I inform the slicer (But not the ham – what kind of crazy person talks to a ham?!) that I will not be partaking in any of his little fleshy offerings today. (WOW that sounds gross) and no sooner had I said that, then a slice of ham got caught on the back of the blade, whipped around in the machine a few times, and was slung back out at warp speed – slapping me right in the face. I kid you not. You can’t make this stuff up. It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever witnessed (let alone been a part of).  So after a moment of stunned silence, I laughed my ass off and carried on slicing the goods. Touché Death Slicer, touché.

Deli ham: 1, Veeg-D: 0.

The rest of my Friday went alright. I worked at the bar where Linda (boss-lady) and I decided that the fries are not, in fact, the only veeg friendly thing on our menu! I may select from  a wide array of creole fries, steamed vegetables, or brown rice. (And here I thought vegans weren’t spoiled for choice!!) After work I went out with Kelly, and we didn’t get home until late. (Hence the lame-o post. My apologies.) Before we came home, though, we hit up Burrachos and got a couple of spectacularly oversized veggie burritos! SERRIOUS NOM. (Burritos are our drunk food of choice. SO happy that they can easily be prepared animal-less!)

Saturday Kell and I had the morning off together, so we slept in, made a pot of coffee, and then walked down to where we had left my car the night before. (Who says we’re not responsible adults?!) We stopped by Infinitea (the local tea house) and each got an iced horchata. Horchata is this biznitchin’ beverage made out of watered down ground up rice and almonds I think. It sounds nasty, but it’s SUPER delicious AND veegtastic! Saturday night, however, was not.

Saturday night, obviously, was St Patrick’s Day. After work, I stopped down at The Falls to partake in some tasty beverages to celebrate the holiday that has absolutely nothing to do with me. (“The Falls” is the nickname we gave to our friends Rachel and Sam’s place. It’s a long story. Funny.. but long.) After having a few drinks we moved on down to the bars to continue our libation celebration. Clad in green, our first stop, of course, had to be Dooley’s Pub! (The only Irish joint on Water St.) A round of Irish car bombs was ordered, and as I’m slugging mine back I think to myself “how can anybody not like these? They’re delicious! They taste just like ice cre….” GAH! OH NO! Car bombs are made with Bailey’s and Bailey’s is made with…. CREAM! NO! ACK! BARF!!! (except yummm) FOILED! Those nasty little leprechauns RUINED my 6 day veeg-streak! Now I have to start all over building up my vegan powers*!

So the day was fine, and almost veganrific. ALMOST. So close… but as Gramps always says “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” And he’s right. Sorry blog fans – I’ll be more careful from here on out.

And that brings us to today. (FINALLY) This morning was my first veegsperience in a restaurant without Kelly! She had to work this morning, so I went out to breakfast with my friends. While everybody enjoyed their omelets and chicken melts or whatever, I ordered myself a double order of hashbrowns and toast. No butter. “Is that all you want??” the waitress asked, CLEARLY eying up my substantial mass. “Yes. Thank you. grumblegrumblegrumble”. So she brings the food and what’s on my toast? A big ol’ glob of deliciously melty veeg-hating buttah! So I asked for some without. I know I ordered it right, and she didn’t have a problem bringing me new toast, but I still felt like a dick.

For dinner Kelly and I made up those new veeg-burgers that Bill gave me, as well as some homemade potato salad. The burgers were okay. Well.. there’s just something wholly unsatisfying about a hamburger made out of soy bean paste. But while it was not at all the same.. It was tasty enough in it’s own right. The potato salad was AWESOME though. I’d ask Kelly for the recipe to post, but as far as I could tell, she was just reaching into cupboards and tossing in the first thing she touched. DAMN it was good stuff, though!!

Okay, this entry has gone on WAAAAY long enough. It’s time now to sleep. Tomorrow is a big/early day at the store and I needz my beauty sleep! Sorry again for the psycho-long post!

Veeg-D, out.

*Scot Pilgrim Vs The World...? Anybody?? Nobody?!